Fulfillment

Today I was thinking about some conversations I have had over the last couple of weeks. There are a couple of people on my project that really impressed me with their attitude and excitement for programming. I asked them to go out to lunch with me because I thought we could discuss something we are all interested in. What I learned was that they very much do love their craft and want to see it become better. They really do embody the attitude and spirit of real programmers. But I don’t know if we really hit it off.

A friend of mine once told me that I should not look to my 9-to-5 job for enjoyment and fulfillment. That it’s a game where no one wins. That makes me sad. I would rather work for myself but I am not there yet and I can’t stand the thought of going to a place I hate. That is enough for me to do something drastic and just quit out of torture.

At my work I have searched for how I can make working for the man a pleasant and fulfilling endeavor. I have spoke with my manager about this very topic looking for ideas and possibly a different point of view. The fact is I feel like working for an insurance company doing Java is just not that exciting. But those two people I mentioned really do make it exciting.

So is it me?

Yeah, I think it is part me. Everyone decides how they will handle and respond to the world around them. Each of us must take ownership over our lives and how we feel. I do believe that. So why haven’t I?

In addition to wanting more personal engagement and ownership at work I have also been fighting this feeling as to why I have not been working on my iPhone apps. I was so excited when I started but then school, work and other responsibilities really burnt me out. Burn out is a real thing that you can’t ignore.

But today I think I realized what I need and how to get myself back on track. I need to fight for what I love. I need to claim what I want and be passionate about it. And when I say passionate I even mean getting a little angry and upset at what doesn’t seem right. I think it is important to open up and share how you feel about things that are important to you. Fight for how you want things to be. The fact of the matter is you cannot please everyone and there will be people who disagree with you.

So, if I hate you… then…. this is me…. caring.